It’s rainy season.

And 天気 is so NOT YOSH!

Red Squirrel

Sorry, listening to The Fleet Foxes at the moment. They remind me of California, my home. I miss it, but LESS THAN 40 days till I return home!

Anyway, sorry for the lack of updating but here is a half-hearted attempt at one. Let’s see, what have I been up to?

I think I did absolutely nothing last weekend. I have nothing written down in my schedule book and can’t remember anyway. Oh yeah! Sunday I did go to AmeMura with Chitta. That was fun and overrated at the same time. I feel I’ve already said this. So let’s talk about my week.

Getting/giving head.

Nothing much there either. Mindlessly going to school everyday and given half-assed attempts at learning. This seems to be my mode as of late. My heart isn’t in anything here, not the projects, activities, relationships. Nothing. Possibly a general apathy to the situation in general, but honestly, I look at it in a more positive light. I’ve gotten to know myself better in these past 4 months than I probably have in the last 3 years in California. Japan has been a lot of self-imposed solitude for me. Some poeple say it’s because I’m an old lady (24) and hanging around a bunch of whipper-snappers (21 year olds) and whatever. I beg to differ. I just think I’m generally intolerant and I’ve only been reminded about my nature as of recent. Back home, I’m spoiled. I’m never forced to spend my precious time in the company of those I deem irrelevant. Here, it’s like an orgy of socialization. Everyone does EVERYTHING in groups and it’s just not my deal. Plain and simple.

So I’ve just sort of given up on trying to force anything. That realization and freedom makes me very happy. I enjoy reading my books, listening to music, reading up on random things that interest me. Today I’m going by myself to Umeda to check out a Comic Exhibit. I had originally planned it to be a small group outing, like I have back home with my close friends. But these aren’t my close friends and I’ve come to realize it’s nearly impossible to recreate such a dynamic. Most of these people I’ll most likely never see again, or miss, or think about. So why waste my time on it now? That being said, I’m biding my time patiently until Eliana come to Japan in a little over 3 weeks. It will be amazing, and the Japan experience I’ve been craving this whole time, doing something meaningful with someone important to me will finally happen.

I really love my host family. I’ve slowly realized that over this past month. I’m going to miss them and I hope I don’t suck and drop the ball in keeping up contact with them once I leave and my crazy West Coast life starts taking shape. Yesterday they took me to an awesome Onsen, The Arima Grand Hotel. I THOUGHT I’d be going to a special “Tattoo-friendly” floor with probably foreigners and wives of Yakuza. Avoiding all sites of my naked host mom and grandma. However, I was wrong. My host mom rented a private room for her and I. I feel terrible about the inconvenience but she didn’t seem to mind. So I avoided the public bath experience to some degree. However, it was awkard getting naked in front of her all the same and trying to keep eye contact with her the entire time. For some reason, when someone is naked in front of you (REGARDLESS OF WHO IT IS) your eyes just WANT to wander.

It was a nice resort though. Followed by a massage and some nice tea. My face was BEET red for a good hour after we left the tub. My host dad took lots of pictures of me just like a real dad would. Did I mention I adore him? Afterwards we headed to some strange Japanese interpretation of Chinese cuisine. I didn’t take enough pictures as I was trying to spare my host family the embarrassment. I’ve got memories though, and I plan to do something similar so the event will be captured in film in some sense or another.

Some fish, Scallop, Okra...

ANYWAY, the oddest dish I didn’t capture. It was some white Asparagus with white egg like custard surrounding it. That white custard was surrounded by bits of Salmon sashimi and clear Jello like goo. Yes, Japanese food is…well, it’s not exactly my thing all the time.  I definitely miss American food, good ‘ol artery clogging American goodness.

I <3 tiny desserts!

Afterwards we paroused around the local town which was incredibly quaint. Stopped at the COOLEST toy museum EVER! It totally gave me a million boners and I’m most positive I am taking Eli here when it comes time to show her around Kobe.  Below is a video of the coolest part of the exhibit. I wanna learn more about these toys, maybe buy a book, maybe make some of my own.

Other than that, just finished Klosterman and skype-ing with my parents. Not sure what to do with myself. In the process of procrastinating on a budget for my July expenditures. I need to just buckle down and do it. Oh, and study some Japanese. Psh. My Japanese has gotten better though. I’ve noticed. It only took me 3 months to come to this realization after months of whining. Too bad in 6 weeks I’ll probably never use it again and it will become completely useless like it was before.

I’m thinking a lot about linguistics and massages. Massages that lead to sex. Fuck, I’m pent up. The heat puts me in a coma. I might fall asleep…

三か月

It’s that time again. Broken up into two videos because host mom interrupted and I am not profecient in video editing to any degree.

Pt.1

Pt. 2

Enjoy! I’ll write something of importance soon. The heat is melting my brain.

Oh, Kogepan

http://www.lazyjuice.com/!/kogepan/

My Saturday Night:

• Watched a Chick flick
• Wikipedia’d Cotard’s Syndrome
• Read 40 more pages of Klosterman
• Spent a good deal browsing synonyms on Dictionary.com
• Educated myself on the pronunciation of Irish names (i.e. Siobhan & Saoirse)
• Searched (to no avail) for a trailer of The Lovely Bones

Thank you, Internet!

I lied.

Sorry I didn’t update yesterday. I’m currently at the computer lab at school and have HOURS to kill until my friend Anne gets off so we can hang out. So I figured blogging today would be a much better waste of time then doing it yesterday. That’s my explanation for ya.

Yesterday was nice. Was supposed to go to an Onsen in Nishi-Kita but plans got cancelled. It’s all right though, I was planning on going to an onsen with my host family in Arima next weekend (the 20th) and that’s free for me, so I’m way more inclined to do the free thing. I still have to tell them about my MINOR tattoo hang up. I’m scared. It’ll all come out Monday before class. I may end up homeless for the last 4 weeks I’m in school but I’m trying to remain positive.

Instead of doing the naked onsen time thing, talked to my best friend, Eli for a good 3 hours. It was nice, we’ve only talked maybe 3 times before since I’ve been here. It’s quite a decrease from the multiple times a day we were used to conversing with each other. We’ve managed well though, she’s remained faithful to me and I to her. We’re both best friend-less until our reunion in 5 weeks!

Also did some Japanese kanji and other homework. Making more of an effort to study Japanese. It’s about fucking time! My host family and I are speaking pretty much only in Japanese now which is kind of weird. We just sort of switched into it and keep to it for the most part. They say my comprehension has gotten much better. I’m still shy to speak though, I know what they say and most of the time just nod my head and say, うん. I also talked to James in the afternoon. It was nice since I didn’t think we’d get to talk until Sunday. Things between he and I are as good as the can be for a long-distance relationship going on 4 months apart. I’m just trying to remain positive, cause few problems and hold out for 47 more measly days. I’m sure by then, all that’s been stressing me out will be a thing of the past.

Skipped class this morning. Was totally impulsive. Got out on time, but I didn’t feel like going to school for one stupid class. I’ve only missed one Japanese class and I figure one more isn’t going to be the death of me. Instead I headed to Umeda and check out some places I’d wanted to revisit for a while. I’ve found quite a few favorite spots since I’ve been here. I pretty much avoid clothing in Japan as they’re expense, overwhelming in choice and probably barely fit me. So instead I’ve focused on by things for my apartment. Earlier this week I bought myself 2 books on interior decorating. Picture books of aparments in Paris. Today I bought two things from the 300円 Store. It’s full of cute home goodies. I also browsed another of my favorite stores, Kitano and found a couple new places. I get easily overwhelmed. It happens with fashion, interior design, food choices. I totally lose focus of what I want, can’t decide and freeze up. I always tell myself I’ll get it later. It’s usually a good decision, as most things I forget about, but if I remember it then usually I really want it and come back to it about a week or two later after pining away. So I figure I’d window browse for the time being and wait for my BFF to come to Japan so she can give me her opinion. It’s hard shopping without her.

The whole shopping in Umeda got me excited about Eli coming. So did our talk yesterday. She dispelled a lot of my anxieties, which she’s good at. I also enjoyed taking in Japanese culture, such as the blood bank car that was painted in big red letters, “LOOK. BLOOD!” Kind of a creepy ploy. I’d give them my blood, as I donate back in The States, but I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want it. I feel sometimes so slighted by the Japanese. I think it makes me paranoid, especially when people don’t sit by me. It’s a strange thing I’ve never encountered or thought about in the US. I quickly forgot about my steaming hatred though as soon as I ran into a Japanese dude walking in front of me with a t-shirt that read, “Fuck The System.” It’s no fair, the Japanese get to get away with all the profane English shirts they want.

I forget who told me, but someone said Caucasians have a harder time dealing with the feeling of being a minority abroad because, well, we never deal with it. African Americans and other minorities have an easier time dealing with it as they feel, most likely in their native countries, like outsiders from time to time, too. It’s not something I’d rather be better at handling personally, I just wish it didn’t exist. I wish we really could just not care about people being different. But Japan isn’t the only one, we Americans have our own problems with gay marriage. I’m not giving up hope thought that some day people won’t care about controlling other people’s personal lives and pointing out differences. Okay, I’ll get off my soap box.

This weekend I’m not sure what’s going on. Tonight I’m going to hang out with Anne and Erik and Chitta to work on our Psychology project. Should be fun. Saturday I was SUPPOSED to have dinner with some friends but I haven’t heard back yet. Not sure what I’ll do. Laundry and homework in the morning, try and get out in the afternoon/evening. I’m also going to try and get some studying done and get up my Hobby Blog. A lot of what I want to say would really be better placed there, so I’m holding off until I get it all nice and cute to link everyone. It’s something I plan to really upkeep once I leave Japan and stop A Leek in Japan.

Final thought. The other day as I was riding home on the train listening to Rilo Kiley, I wondered how the music I listen to shapes my feelings about my experience in Japan. I think of it as something akin to wine pairings with certain dishes, doing so helps enhance particular flavors of the dish. I listen to so much American and English indie, folk, what have you that I often wonder what that’s doing to my brain as I look outside at a world that is thoroughly Japanese. Sometimes I even go so far as to pretend I’m in SF and not Osaka, it has a strange affect. Am I the only one that does these silly things?

Okay. Have a good weekend, everyone! 47 more days!

If She Wants Me

Update tomorrow. Promise, promise. In other news, Belle & Sebastian’s If She Wants Me makes me randy. Is that strange??

Universal Studios and other American shit.

This weekend (weakened, I almost typed) was たのしいかた(fun)! I feel obligated to make this post for you ungrateful bastards, so here it goes.

Friday went to meet up with Anne for a quiet and introspective night at McDonalds near Kotoen Station. I know, it’s where all the great minds go to think. Anne ran into a bunch of fellow ryugakusei at NishiKita and stayed and told me to come. I didn’t want to cuz I was trying to save money (that’s always my excuse) but went anyway and complained and got free drinks out of people! Yay! I bought cigarettes though, so I pretty much broke even. It was fun, we hung around a Japanese version of a park, a concrete slab in the middle of a busy street with 4 trees, and got drunk and loud. Had a fun time, headed home early as to not miss my last train.

Saturday I planned to go to the Astro Boy museum with JF but was conned into going to Universal Studios Japan with Molly and Chris. It was fun, and apparently you can get me to do anything for a crepe. Like ride on a roller coaster ride, twice! The place was expensive though for the amount of rides we went on, so I don’t know if I’d go back, but it was a nice experience with them all the same. Got soaked on the Jurassic Park ride. Drooled, cried, screamed, laughed like a crazy person on Hollywood Dreams while listening to Eminem’s Lose Yourself as Chris and Molly looked on laughing hysterically. I’m terrible on scary rides, I make a scene and I don’t try to hide it, I can’t help it. I get SO fucking scared. But hey, I didn’t throw up and I did it twice. I guess I secretly love it. Went home around 6PM, pretty exhausted, dehydrated and possibly sunburned.

Today I’m just chillin’. Updated my planner, KanGaku’s make up schedule can lick my boyfriend’s gooch. It’s a terrible thing to do to us, make us go to school the day after we graduate. I’ve come to find that I hate Japanese universities. The classes are fairly worthless. But hey, I’m here for the language, culture and people. So I suppose all that’s cool. Updated my Facebook, so all the photos from yesterday are on there. I’ll upload some here, too, but just the cute ones. I’ve got a lot of little projects I’d like to get done today. We’ll see how I do. Tomorrow I’ll do some homework. Projects and papers are starting to be assigned so I should get on that.

That’s all for now. Enjoy PEEKTURES!

Little Miss Molly.

Sorry, had to name this post after my friend Molly since I JUST commented on her blog and she showed me how to set up my Flickr Feed. She also CURSED me with my recent Tegan and Sara binge. Probably because she secretly knows I’m a lesbian and wants to prey upon me when I’m at my weakest. I’d easily succumb to her advances. Especially if she sung Nineteen as she shimmied her lesbian shimmy my way. Baby’s got back.

Anyway, didn’t do much today. Haven’t done much lately. Settled into a relatively normal life in Japan, similar to my life back home. Except with a lot less friends and a lot less going out because Japan rapes my middle-class monthly budgets given by my dad. But I aim to change that this weekend. Friday I’m planning to grab coffee with Anne and catch up. It’s been a while since her and I went out and I need to make up for lost time by staring at her milky white breasts.

Saturday I’m getting out. Last Saturday SUCKED (not the evening with JF and Chitta, but the day) and I aim to not repeat that. So I’m not sure what I’m doing. Kicking around the idea of going to Astro Boy Museum with JF and whoever else. Might just head to Umeda and Takarazuka (both in exact opposite directions of one another) and do some things I’d hoped to last week. Most likely alone, but that’s how I roll. Sunday will be laundry and I’ll pretend to do some homework, too.

This week I had a midterm. On the kanji part I did average. Low B. Whatever. I didn’t study. I should have, but I’m just not feeling it. Taught English twice, that was fun. Just been going to school and when I’m not doing that, internet-ing a ridiculous amount. Funny, back home I don’t have internet and thus my life revolves much less on the interwebs. But now, in an awesome and exciting country, I spend a lot of my time on the computer doing God knows what. I also read. Blazed through Sedaris and am thoroughly in love with a 50 year old gay man. Must read more of his stuff. Now on to Klosterman and Killing Yourself To Live. I’m sure it’ll be a good read. Sedaris was perfect timing, as his last story took place in Japan. A lot of his observations were not only funny as fuck but pretty spot on. I’m trying to get into This American Life, which I hear he frequents. I hope it has a podcast. That would work for me.

Speaking of iPod stuff. I hardly ever ask for things, but if anyone wants to buy me a really big iPod touch, I’d appreciate it. My little iPod is throwing up, it’s so full of music. I need something bigger and preferably more interactive. But much less of a monster than the iPhone. So yeah guys, let’s pool it together and get Nila an iPod Touch as a coming home present. That works for me.

Anyway, no quirky observations about Japan at the moment. I’ve sort of dropped the ball on that. Well, I still have them. But basically all of my time in Japan is just one quirky observation after another and to sit here and type it all out to you I’d just be live-blogging constantly. So, if you really care to know, hit me up on Skype. I’m loaded with shit to throw at you. Talked to Jeff today. Need to email several friends back like tomorrow. Overall though, think I’m doing pretty well in the keeping in touch department.

I think the worst part of my culture shock is over (fingers crossed). It was a rough 3 weeks for a while there. I’m coming out on the other side. I enjoy myself here enough. Need to make more of an effort with my Japanese friends and speaking Japanese but what’s new? Hopefully I can get that going in the next 8 weeks.

Oh, and Eli comes in 6 weeks. Hurray!

Random Thoughts:

So I’ve been thinking about a lot of things. None of which really relate to Japan. But I figure being that I’m IN Japan, having thoughts here makes them inherently Japan-related in some senses. Now that I’ve justified these tangents, I digress.

I wonder why I’m not a lesbian? Is that a stupid question? I don’t really think so. Throughout my life I’ve found women to be extremely aesthetically pleasing but I’ve never popped the female equivalent of a boner in the presence of one. At least, not to my knowledge. I’ve definitely had girl crushes, revolving around the, “I think you’re cool, I wanna be you” mentality rather than the “I think you’re cool, I wanna be INSIDE you” mentality. I get that lesbians don’t ACTUALLY have things to put inside each other but bear with me as I tend to look at the world from a heterosexual stand point, sexually speaking.

I mean, I wonder if I have ever been attracted to a girl and just didn’t know it. I’m so ingrained with the stereotypes of what should appeal to me in men and what they can provide for me, yadda yadda, but when it comes to women, I’m far less knowledgeable. I wonder if I redefined my standards to suit what women are capable of providing me, if I would see that a lot of them do appeal to me in a relationship sense.

I’m not saying I’m turning lesbian before your very eyes, I hardly think it’s a choice. But being a modern girl of this modern age, I have always felt my sexuality to be rather flexible and just, possibly out of ignorance or sheer laziness, geared towards men. But what do men do for me that women can’t? Aside from the obvious, I mean. And what could a woman provide me that a man is incapable of as well? Stop snickering, again, that’s not what I mean. And I shouldn’t generalize. Not all men are capable of making me happy, so logic would go to show that not all women wouldn’t be either. But sometimes I wonder if I’d be happier.

It’s not something I care to test out at the moment, mind you. Many of the girls I find physically attractive or mentally so are hardly lesbians. But I feel like I could be. It would just take some getting used to, a restructuring of sorts to overlook conventional norms and products of habit to truly open myself up to a world of possibility. And as for myself, I wonder if women would find me attractive? I’m definitely not top choice among the boys and I’m okay with that. I have a niche, so to speak. But with women, I wonder how my appeal would go over? I’m not concerned about roles for, in today’s age, both male and female roles tend to blur, so I won’t beg the question of who would be butch and who would be femme. It’s hardly that simple.

I guess I’m just curious. And I can’t help that I sort of have a crush on Tegan and/or Sara.