12 Days Later.

Yes, I’m sure no one stuck around to read this last bit. However, I felt it necessary to reflect on things a bit after I came home and had time to process what these past 4 months have been for me. At this point, it’s still hard to tell. I’ve quickly forgotten the faces of people I saw almost everyday over the summer and have replaced them with the familiar friends of my past. Readjusting has been strange. I’m not quite comfortable, as I’m still transitioning. I have a few more key steps to go before I can really say I’ve settled back into my American life. Establishing routine will be the final step. The past couple weeks I’ve lacked routine and it’s been hard. But I’m doing my best to be transient and just enjoy that I’m finally with some of the people I’ve pined for for so long. This weekend I move into my new apartment and hope to secure employment on campus in the two weeks before school starts. Things with James and I have been wonderful, but we only see each other on the weekends. Overall though, a good deal thus far. I get sad about some of the experiences I’ll never have again and some of the people I will never see again and have already stopped talking to, but I don’t like to take too much time to think on it. It was only 4 months of my life, and I’ve got a whole alot more waiting for me that there is no use in constantly looking back. Come this Chistmas, the hectic nature of graduating will have me so stressed out that I’ll hardly think about any of this. A part of me really looks forward to that and I can’t tell if that’s a good thing. But in this moment, I am happy.

Well, that’s it.

Those two weeks with Eliana flew by. In 24 hours my flight leaves Japan and in 48 I set foot in SF after a 10 hour stint in Hawaii. Hope you weren’t expecting anything introspective, the memories contained (and photos taken) in these last two weeks are far too many and you’ll most likely hear them by word of mouth (or see them on Facebook). In short, I did some fun things, met some good people, complained a lot, got marginally better at Japanese and am returning home to the same amazing people I left behind. I couldn’t be happier.

Overall, this was great. Grateful for the experience, happy for it to end.

That’s all, folks! It’s been real!

Over and out.

Two Weeks:

Today marks two weeks till my departure from Japan. Tomorrow is my last final, graduation and arrival of my best friend!

Grizzly Bear – Two Weeks

Hi, me!

It occurred to me today that I have no real words to fully describe what this experience abroad has been. Today it sort of culminated into this weird realization like, “This is my LIFE!?” Or more like it has been my life, it’s almost over now. I’m neither sad nor happy about it (okay, maybe some of both but in manageable quantities). It was enjoyable and maybe I’ll think to change things that I can’t. I wonder how it has affected me in the long run. Hopefully I’ve gained some independence, I think that was important to me. I think I have, I hope I can keep it. It also occurred to me how odd it will be to suddenly have someone I care about pop into my life in a matter of days. I guess I’ll switch off from surreal, survival mode back to the reality I once knew. Japan was fun though, although ‘fun’ isn’t quite fitting. I think it was all…quixotic.

I’m curious to see how the rest of this year plays out.

Michael Jackson died and I was in Japan.

It’s been 2 weeks now. Maybe only today did I really talk about it in any seriousness to my boyfriend.  His music has been plaguing my head all day. I can’t say that Michael Jackson touched me (no pun intended) in any serious way, but his music was a part of my childhood, probably a very important part. So that part of me is sad to see him go, because a long with his death yet another part of my youth can never be reclaimed again. I think the first time I realized that was when my dog of 15 years died in 2007, and then when my parent’s sold our childhood home in 2008.

Time is winding down here. It’s less than 3 weeks now until I set foot on American soil once again. A strange calm has come over me these past couple weeks. I’m no longer overly emotional, fretting, or stressing. I feel really self-sufficient. I neither miss things back home or feel any more connected here. I think it’s a false sense of security really, because subconciously I know I’m going home soon. But I’m enjoying it all the same.

My time in Japan won’t truly start until Eliana gets here in 7 days. I can’t say I’ve experienced my time in Japan to the fullest, and maybe I’ll regret that. But I don’t think I will. I know me, love is more important than anything, I’ve realized that since being here. You could give me the world and if the people I care about most aren’t in it, then I just can’t fully commit. So once she gets here, the celebration will commence and I’ll finally see the Japan I’ve been waiting to see for 13 whole days with someone I truly love and admire.

I’ll miss people here. Surely. I think more than that, I’ll miss missed opportunities. The people I know the least I’ll miss the most. There’s just a certain sadness in knowing I’ll never see most of these people ever again and I’m sure they’re all extremely fascinating people to know.

I had a hot lunch today in hot and humid weather. I can’t understand that logic, but my host mom explained that the Japanese believe eating something hot during the summer time makes you feel cooler. My boyfriend tried to agree with this logic, but he’s never endured this and I quickly shot him down. I’m so excited to see James though, he’s been amazingly good to be these past 4 months. More than anyone though, I’d really like to get home to see my family. I miss my mom and dad.

All these life changes and deaths have just got me feeling that time is fleeting. And it is, duh. I’m adult enough to know I will never go back home again in the same sense. And I can regret a lot of things, like wasted opportunities in Japan I’m willing to accept. But I cannot allow myself regrets with my family. I want to know that I loved them while they are here, not when they’ve gone.  They aren’t young anymore, nearly 60, and aside from the relationships I’ve built these past couple years, they’re all I’ve got to see me through in this life. I’d like to make them as much a part of my life as I can while living states away. I think I’ve been terrible at it since I left Missouri. However, I think this can happen now.  For one, I’m determined to go home for the holidays this year. It will be 18 months since I’ve been home at that point. Can you believe it? I never got how adults did that when they grew up. And now that’s me.

Sorry this wasn’t terribly Japan related. Nothing in my life seems to be anymore. I’m just happily going through the motions to wrap things up here so I can move on to the next phase in my life, whatever that is. I’m pretty over blogging. I’m sure I’ll post a couple more times before I leave, but suffice it to say I’ll be happy once this online journal is defunct and I can begin on something far more craft-oriented and superficial.

In lieu of pictures, I’ll leave you with probably my all time favorite song by Michael Jackson (this song has a lot of memories in my childhood, like really really) performed by one of my favorite musicians of today, John Mayer. It’s sad that he’s dead, but really, it’s sad when anyone dies. I’d like to strive better to appreciate the people I have in my life while they’re alive.

I’m getting lazy about posting. Needless to say, I’ve lost my steam to document every single minutia of detail about Japan. 4th of July at Club Explosion was memorable. I only lasted till 3 AM. I’m too old for that shit. But I enjoyed myself all the same. It was great watching a Japanese man dress in drag and sing the National Anthem. I definitely won’t forget that.

Things I look forward to when I get back to the U.S.:

• eyebrow waxing. I have two catepillars on my head.
• hair cut. Bangs are inFRINGing upon my eye-space. Get it? FRINGE? Ha, oh.
• getting in shape. I should shut my mouth and just do it. I’m almost 25, my prime, and it’s been too long.

More later. Now for some homework…bleh.

Happy 4th of July (in Japan).

This marks the fourth 4th of July I have spent either out of the country, or driving in a car. Last year I was in Wyoming, at Outback Steakhouse with my dad and best friend. We were 3/4 of the way on our trek towards California. In 2006 I was back where I am now, in Japan. Except this time I’m in the Kasai area, not the Kanto area.

In honor of my almost 4 years of unpatriotic-ness, I’m spending my American holiday evening with a handful of friends at a gay club in Osaka. It will no doubt be an all nighter, my first. Ever. I’m not sure how this is patriotic, but it will be fun. I’ve only got 26 days left here. I aim to make the most of it.

Pictures, maybe, to follow later.

Happy 4th of July tomorrow to all my friends back home! Love and miss you all.