12 Days Later.

Yes, I’m sure no one stuck around to read this last bit. However, I felt it necessary to reflect on things a bit after I came home and had time to process what these past 4 months have been for me. At this point, it’s still hard to tell. I’ve quickly forgotten the faces of people I saw almost everyday over the summer and have replaced them with the familiar friends of my past. Readjusting has been strange. I’m not quite comfortable, as I’m still transitioning. I have a few more key steps to go before I can really say I’ve settled back into my American life. Establishing routine will be the final step. The past couple weeks I’ve lacked routine and it’s been hard. But I’m doing my best to be transient and just enjoy that I’m finally with some of the people I’ve pined for for so long. This weekend I move into my new apartment and hope to secure employment on campus in the two weeks before school starts. Things with James and I have been wonderful, but we only see each other on the weekends. Overall though, a good deal thus far. I get sad about some of the experiences I’ll never have again and some of the people I will never see again and have already stopped talking to, but I don’t like to take too much time to think on it. It was only 4 months of my life, and I’ve got a whole alot more waiting for me that there is no use in constantly looking back. Come this Chistmas, the hectic nature of graduating will have me so stressed out that I’ll hardly think about any of this. A part of me really looks forward to that and I can’t tell if that’s a good thing. But in this moment, I am happy.

Well, that’s it.

Those two weeks with Eliana flew by. In 24 hours my flight leaves Japan and in 48 I set foot in SF after a 10 hour stint in Hawaii. Hope you weren’t expecting anything introspective, the memories contained (and photos taken) in these last two weeks are far too many and you’ll most likely hear them by word of mouth (or see them on Facebook). In short, I did some fun things, met some good people, complained a lot, got marginally better at Japanese and am returning home to the same amazing people I left behind. I couldn’t be happier.

Overall, this was great. Grateful for the experience, happy for it to end.

That’s all, folks! It’s been real!

Over and out.

Two Weeks:

Today marks two weeks till my departure from Japan. Tomorrow is my last final, graduation and arrival of my best friend!

Grizzly Bear – Two Weeks

Hi, me!

It occurred to me today that I have no real words to fully describe what this experience abroad has been. Today it sort of culminated into this weird realization like, “This is my LIFE!?” Or more like it has been my life, it’s almost over now. I’m neither sad nor happy about it (okay, maybe some of both but in manageable quantities). It was enjoyable and maybe I’ll think to change things that I can’t. I wonder how it has affected me in the long run. Hopefully I’ve gained some independence, I think that was important to me. I think I have, I hope I can keep it. It also occurred to me how odd it will be to suddenly have someone I care about pop into my life in a matter of days. I guess I’ll switch off from surreal, survival mode back to the reality I once knew. Japan was fun though, although ‘fun’ isn’t quite fitting. I think it was all…quixotic.

I’m curious to see how the rest of this year plays out.

Michael Jackson died and I was in Japan.

It’s been 2 weeks now. Maybe only today did I really talk about it in any seriousness to my boyfriend.  His music has been plaguing my head all day. I can’t say that Michael Jackson touched me (no pun intended) in any serious way, but his music was a part of my childhood, probably a very important part. So that part of me is sad to see him go, because a long with his death yet another part of my youth can never be reclaimed again. I think the first time I realized that was when my dog of 15 years died in 2007, and then when my parent’s sold our childhood home in 2008.

Time is winding down here. It’s less than 3 weeks now until I set foot on American soil once again. A strange calm has come over me these past couple weeks. I’m no longer overly emotional, fretting, or stressing. I feel really self-sufficient. I neither miss things back home or feel any more connected here. I think it’s a false sense of security really, because subconciously I know I’m going home soon. But I’m enjoying it all the same.

My time in Japan won’t truly start until Eliana gets here in 7 days. I can’t say I’ve experienced my time in Japan to the fullest, and maybe I’ll regret that. But I don’t think I will. I know me, love is more important than anything, I’ve realized that since being here. You could give me the world and if the people I care about most aren’t in it, then I just can’t fully commit. So once she gets here, the celebration will commence and I’ll finally see the Japan I’ve been waiting to see for 13 whole days with someone I truly love and admire.

I’ll miss people here. Surely. I think more than that, I’ll miss missed opportunities. The people I know the least I’ll miss the most. There’s just a certain sadness in knowing I’ll never see most of these people ever again and I’m sure they’re all extremely fascinating people to know.

I had a hot lunch today in hot and humid weather. I can’t understand that logic, but my host mom explained that the Japanese believe eating something hot during the summer time makes you feel cooler. My boyfriend tried to agree with this logic, but he’s never endured this and I quickly shot him down. I’m so excited to see James though, he’s been amazingly good to be these past 4 months. More than anyone though, I’d really like to get home to see my family. I miss my mom and dad.

All these life changes and deaths have just got me feeling that time is fleeting. And it is, duh. I’m adult enough to know I will never go back home again in the same sense. And I can regret a lot of things, like wasted opportunities in Japan I’m willing to accept. But I cannot allow myself regrets with my family. I want to know that I loved them while they are here, not when they’ve gone.  They aren’t young anymore, nearly 60, and aside from the relationships I’ve built these past couple years, they’re all I’ve got to see me through in this life. I’d like to make them as much a part of my life as I can while living states away. I think I’ve been terrible at it since I left Missouri. However, I think this can happen now.  For one, I’m determined to go home for the holidays this year. It will be 18 months since I’ve been home at that point. Can you believe it? I never got how adults did that when they grew up. And now that’s me.

Sorry this wasn’t terribly Japan related. Nothing in my life seems to be anymore. I’m just happily going through the motions to wrap things up here so I can move on to the next phase in my life, whatever that is. I’m pretty over blogging. I’m sure I’ll post a couple more times before I leave, but suffice it to say I’ll be happy once this online journal is defunct and I can begin on something far more craft-oriented and superficial.

In lieu of pictures, I’ll leave you with probably my all time favorite song by Michael Jackson (this song has a lot of memories in my childhood, like really really) performed by one of my favorite musicians of today, John Mayer. It’s sad that he’s dead, but really, it’s sad when anyone dies. I’d like to strive better to appreciate the people I have in my life while they’re alive.

I’m getting lazy about posting. Needless to say, I’ve lost my steam to document every single minutia of detail about Japan. 4th of July at Club Explosion was memorable. I only lasted till 3 AM. I’m too old for that shit. But I enjoyed myself all the same. It was great watching a Japanese man dress in drag and sing the National Anthem. I definitely won’t forget that.

Things I look forward to when I get back to the U.S.:

• eyebrow waxing. I have two catepillars on my head.
• hair cut. Bangs are inFRINGing upon my eye-space. Get it? FRINGE? Ha, oh.
• getting in shape. I should shut my mouth and just do it. I’m almost 25, my prime, and it’s been too long.

More later. Now for some homework…bleh.

Happy 4th of July (in Japan).

This marks the fourth 4th of July I have spent either out of the country, or driving in a car. Last year I was in Wyoming, at Outback Steakhouse with my dad and best friend. We were 3/4 of the way on our trek towards California. In 2006 I was back where I am now, in Japan. Except this time I’m in the Kasai area, not the Kanto area.

In honor of my almost 4 years of unpatriotic-ness, I’m spending my American holiday evening with a handful of friends at a gay club in Osaka. It will no doubt be an all nighter, my first. Ever. I’m not sure how this is patriotic, but it will be fun. I’ve only got 26 days left here. I aim to make the most of it.

Pictures, maybe, to follow later.

Happy 4th of July tomorrow to all my friends back home! Love and miss you all.

Bored in Japan

It’s ALMOST July though, and you know what that means? 4 weeks till I come home! 18 until I see Eli, currently. I’m super stoked.

This week has been good. My spirits have really picked up/evened out in the last couple weeks I feel. I’m not depressed or frustrated or lonely. Maybe sometimes, but in general I’ve just accepted things here for what they are and look forward to making the most of my last couple weeks.

I’m tired today though. Been on the computer SO much. It hurts my head. It’s hot outside, too. But I’m focused and productive. Researching for one of my 3 papers, trying to do a decent job on it (even though it barely counts for anything). Breaking it up with etsy.com vintage dress searches and other random shit, Wolfram Alpha, Anthropological Linguistics, Virginia Woolf. You name it, I’m doing it.

Friday was fun. Hung out with Mike, and mostly his girlfriend, Anne. It was really fun. We stayed up till 5 AM talking girl talk. Been a while since I had that sort of conversation. Needless to say, I missed the last train home and slept over. We talked so much my throat was sore. Spent yesterday recovering and being productive. Today I had hoped to get out and see Star Trek but Japan is lame and has only one showing at 8:45 PM today. Molly was going to go with me but couldn’t make her last bus home at that time, so we’re planning sometime this week. It’s cool, it couldn’t be helped. Now I’m just staring down the barrel of an empty day, trying to figure out what to do with myself.

Read all the books I brought here (all 3 of them, not enough…read them all in one month ), am tired of the internet (as stated before), don’t want to play video games, can’t sleep in this heat, thought about going out aimlessly wandering but the heat exhausts me and I’m saving funds for 18 days from now when Eli arrives. It sort of sucks putting myself more or less on lock down, financially, but it will be more than worth it when she comes. I’ll have plenty of spending cash to go all crazy and make up for the past 6 weeks of not having a life.

This week is the 3rd to last week of school. Not much going on, finals yet. Movie sometimes this week, teaching English on Thursday afternoon. Will just be spending a lot of time studying kanji, vocab and grammar, as well as history/religion final. Oh yeah, and those 3 papers.

Despite what I’ve said, I am happy though. But I am really looking forward to coming home. 32 more days!

Half A World Away

Its hard when you have those moments when you need someone there and everyone is at least 16 hours behind you. Even if help is offered, what can you do? I’m not one to really WANT to talk openly about my true personal problems. And crying hysterically on Skype doesn’t allow me to be physically consoled. So I just bottle it up and deal with it myself. I suppose it’s garnered me a considerable amount of strength to self-soothe when no one is near to help. It’s happening now and it’s bound to happen again. I don’t know what sort of person I’ll be when I get back.

へんな日本の食べ物。(Strange Japanese Food)

So I figure this blog had to be written today of all days, as I had at least two encounters with disgusting Japanese food. No, I’m not saying ALL Japanese food is disgusting, but these particular items were. Being exposed to these two edible disasters quickly brought on flashbacks that reminded me of other crazy Japanese food I’ve eaten since March. Granted, I haven’t been in Japan a long time, but after a little over 3 straight months of eating Japanese food 2 meals a day with a Japanese family day in and out, I feel I’ve come to experience (and sometimes, appreciate) the more obscure of Japanese cuisine. You know, all that lies beyond the realm of Sushi and Miso soup. So join me, on this journey of frightening epicurean encounters.

For starters, I came home today sweat soaked from the heat. I’m used to this by now (or at least I should be) and have come to expect a nice glass of cold water to satisfy my slowly melting form. However, today I was in for a treat. My host mom brought along with the water a dish filled with clear, brown-tinted noodles in a brown soupy sauce. On first sight I thought, “Greeeeaaaaat.” Not only do I hate goopy, slimey shit that resembles semen, but I am TOTALLY NOT A FAN of anything Jello like. I didn’t ALWAYS hate Jello and Jello-like substances. I slowly grew to hate it after years of bad run-ins of a gelatinous kind. You know what I’m talking about, those times when you eat some tasty looking (and presumably Cherry) Jello that turns out to be sort of hard and chewy? Was it just me? I liken it to cheese that’s been exposed to air too long and gets the hard edges. I hate that equally as much, but FORTUNATELY bad run-ins with cheese have been few and far between, thus we remain lovers.

ANYWAY, back to these clear ramen noodle things. They were cold and a “Samurai dessert.” At least this is what my mom tells me. Sometimes I think she does it just to fuck with me. Like, “Hey, let’s see if the gaijin will eat THIS!” (points to hair in the drain hole) I’ll admit, I’ll try most food at least once in Japan as an aim for cultural sensitivity. But I’m just NOT from their culture and I haven’t grown up being force-fed Jelly-like substances as a viable option for dessert. We had ice cream. Thank God.

I tried it though, I actually video taped it. I’m sure I’ll post this later when I’m bored and lonely. My reaction was worst than expected, as the noodles weren’t soft like most noodles…they were CRUNCHY. Yes, crunchy. Like Squid sashimi (which I also shudder at the thought of). As if the urge to spew wasn’t bad enough, this increased the urge exponentially. Luckily, I’m smart and took a TINY bite. Enough to tell it was nasty and quickly swallow before I projectiled it on the table. I follow the same logic with seman. Too much information, I know. But it’s all the, put it in the back of your throat quickly and swallow approach, which I’m good at. By the end of my experience, my eyes were watery and I was a bit shaken. I panicked at the thought of what to do with the rest and eventually gave up and threw it in the trash can (in my room), later lying and telling my host mom I ate it but didn’t like it. I don’t know the name of the food and tried to look it up. If anyone has a VAGUE idea as to what it might be then I invite your suggestions. James suggested some form of Agar, but from the looks of it, I think not. Maybe when I post the video you might get a better idea.

One to the other food I encountered not some 4 hours later at dinner. This, however, I know the name of. It’s called Yuba. Now, I’m not an expert on this food and perhaps it comes in a more delicious variety (as may be described here), but mine was down right nasty. Yuba is the same ingrediants used to make Tofu, Nigari and Soybean milk. I dig solid Tofu but apparently not it’s less viscous cousin. The Yuba I had was served along with our dinner (potatoes, spinach, fish, rice, all checks out OK). It is literally the skin that forms at the top of lightly heated Soybean milk, plopped in a bowl of milk. What was the most off-putting about this dish was that it was room temperature which only enhanced it’s slimyness. I see white liquid and I think milk, I think cold. It was neither. It also wasn’t sweet (which I generally associate with white substances), but was salty. Think of taking the whites of an egg, cooking it, putting it on a bowl filled with milk, adding salt and serving at room temperature. Needless to say, I enforced the one-bite rule, tested it and put it aside for the trash can.

Mmm. I mean really, who doesn't like the skin that forms at the top of heated milk?

Both of these jelly/liquid horrors reminded me of an earlier Japanese food experience I had ALMOST forgotten about. Around Boy’s Day (now, Children’s Day) in Japan a traditional candy is served known as Kashiwamochi. I didn’t bother looking up the meaning of this word, but I’m pretty sure it looslely translates to “Big Flompty (edible) Donkey Dick.” It’s bascially sweet rice cakes wrapped in Oak leaves. Not rice cakes, like Quaker oats but rice cakes pounded to oblivion to form into, yet another, chewy, white, Jello-like substance. I was given one the day I left for Tokyo during Golden Week by my host family. It was big, probably about the size of James’ manhood. I ate the whole thing because the family sat around eating it with me. There was no opportunity to discreetly vomit into a nearby planter. I fought through it like a champ but later told my horror stories to my friends in Tokyo about the dildo-like candy I almost didn’t eat.

My idea of dessert? Quivering jello balls wrapped in leaves.

Throughout my experiences here, I’ve learned a couple key things about Japanese cuisine.

1. Japanese like dick-like food (either penile-shaped or semen-like in texture).
2. White liquid is not always milk.
3. They will eat anything covered in Jello-like substances, god forbid you drop your newborn baby in the Jello-making factory.

4. Searching for decent pictures of Kawamochi on the internet will most likely result in Hentai girls titty fucking themselves with said candy.

The Japanese and I may greatly disagree on what is edible cuisine, however, there still remains much we have in common that I love and respect about this country.